Delivering Hope

By Jacob Luecke

At the moment of her birth, Hope already had a head of dark brown hair. All her features were tiny and beautiful — ears, nose, fingers.

Her parents noticed her second toe was a bit longer than her big toe — just like her dad.

As they gazed at their daughter, Dina and Dustin Dunklee were amazed. 

“She was just perfect,” says Dina. “It was like any moment when you first see your child. She was ours. It didn't matter that she wasn't alive.”

Hope had died in Dina’s womb a few days earlier. It was a tragedy, but not a surprise.

Early in Dina's second trimester, the family learned that Hope had a rare chromosomal disorder called Trisomy 18. There is no cure. Few babies with Trisomy 18 live to be born. Those who are born alive usually survive for only days or weeks.

Knowing Hope's delivery would require special care, the staff at Boone Hospital Center's Boone Family Birthplace worked to create a comfortable environment for the family.

 “One of our main goals is to give the families whatever they need to get them through the grieving process,” says Tami Held, a birthplace tech who helps coordinate the hospital's care for families of stillborn babies. “Our nurses are phenomenal in these situations.”

The pregnancy itself had come like a miracle for the Dunklees. The family had endured difficult years that included a miscarriage, Dustin's deployment to Kuwait and then infertility concerns that required medical treatment.

But then there was Hope. With news of the pregnancy, the Dunklees were thankful to finally have something to celebrate. Their older daughter Ella, who was eight at the time, was thrilled to learn she would have a baby sister.

But as the pregnancy progressed, Dina’s obstetrician began suspecting there might be a problem. Dina went in for a blood test.

She remembers receiving the call with the results confirming Hope’s Trisomy 18 diagnosis.

“I just lost it. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't talk,” she says.

Over the following weeks, Hope continued to grow and move inside Dina's womb. Dina felt full of love for her baby. Yet, she also felt emotionally drained.

It became difficult to watch as friends in her community were having normal pregnancies and giving birth to healthy babies.

Then one winter morning, as Dina was just beginning her third trimester, she woke up with the realization she hadn't felt Hope move. She became concerned but was soon preoccupied as her family was getting ready to leave on a trip.

When bad weather changed those plans, Dina again grew worried that as more time passed, she still hadn't noticed Hope moving.

The next morning, she went to her doctor's office where an ultrasound confirmed that Hope had died.

It was terrible news, but news Dina was prepared to hear. She felt she already knew Hope had died.

 But even in learning of Hope’s death, Dina knew their journey together was not over. She still had to deliver her daughter.

“At that point I just wanted to meet her,” she says. “I just wanted to meet my little girl.”

At the Boone Family Birthplace, Tami was already making preparations for the Dunklee family. She set aside two patient rooms that were far away as possible from the rest of the birthing rooms.

One was for Dina and Dustin. Here, nurses induced Dina’s labor.

The second room was for their family — a private space away from the regular birthplace waiting room. The hospital sent complimentary food carts to them as they waited.

During her 36 hours of labor, Dina says she was amazed by the support and care she received from the birthplace nurses and Held. 

“She just goes above and beyond,” Dina says of Tami. “She would literally walk the halls with me to help get my body ready for the delivery.”

Finally, Hope was born on Jan. 9, 2014, with Tami helping deliver the baby, who was born with her eyes open.

“I always wished that she would be born alive, but I didn't get that wish,” Dina says. “But when she was born with her eyes open, it was almost like God gave me that moment to see her. It was almost like we were getting to see each other.”

The family spent the next hours bonding with the child they would not be raising. They took photos. They made hand and footprints. Ella held her baby sister.

During this time, the staff at the Boone Family Birthplace did everything they could to support the family. Dina says Tami’s help was invaluable.

“She made a horrible, sad situation — I don't even know how to explain it — just feel like everything was going to be OK,” she says. 

Tami says her passion for this work comes from her faith and from her own experiences as a mother.

“As a mom who was able to take a healthy baby home with me, I want to give these mothers, fathers and siblings every little piece of anything I can to take home with them and to help them hang on to the memory of their loved one,” she says.

Tami stressed that the birthplace staff are available to help these families even after they have left the hospital. 

Less than a year after Hope’s birth, the Dunklees were back again at the Boone Family Birthplace. This time, they celebrated the arrival a healthy, living daughter named Ruby. 

Even as Dina moves forward with her life and cares for her two living daughters, she says she is continually inspired by Hope. 

“She makes me want to wake up every morning and be a better person than I was the day before,” Dina says. “She makes me want to be strong. I want her looking down on my saying, ‘That's my mom.’”